Addiction triggers come from the strangest places
by Michael Walsh
Today I experienced something that comes up periodically for me even after over ten years of complete abstinence. The difference today is I know how to deal with it. Today I used the “play-the-tape” tool to get me through a trigger like this one.
It is a beautiful September afternoon in Victoria Canada and I am at home practising self-care, as it has been a busy week. I have been clean and sober over ten years now and some people might think that because I have done a ton of personal development related to substance use and addictions that I would be out-of-the-woods. That is not always so clear cut.
I have been using Vitamin C Crystals (Ascorbic Acid) periodically for about one year. The crystals pack the biggest punch, so I use it instead of tablets.
Today I was placing several spoons of the crystals from the container into a bowl, so it is easier to get at. Wow! Major trigger of past use of cocaine floods through my brain and my body. The rituals of preparing the cocaine for use rushes through my mind. The powdery ascorbic acid is playing tricks on me. It looks like powdery cocaine to me and I am quite triggered by its presence. The rush for me lasts about one minute.
Luckily for me I am able to get through those kinds of thoughts fairly quickly and easily these days. My life is so much different today than say five years ago.
Today when triggers occur I, amongst other useful tools, “play-the-tape” back to where I once was that brought me to where I am today. The personal darkness, the despair, the lying, the cheating, the deception and the hurt I caused many people.
Today I choose to be clean and sober.
It is a lifestyle that works for me and I am proud to say that I am a success story in the fight to overcome addiction.