Anger and Irritability When Quitting Drinking: Here’s What to Expect and How to Handle It

Is feeling angry or irritable when you cut back or quit drinking a guaranteed part of the process?

No. But it’s incredibly common.

When you think about the way that alcohol can dull physical and emotional pain, it makes perfect sense that without it — difficult emotions could arise.

If you’ve been drinking excessively for years (or even decades) the more intense and persistent these emotions may be. Suddenly having to feel things you’re used to numbing with substances can be overwhelming and cause anger and irritability.

Changing your relationship with alcohol is about so much more than putting down the bottle. It’s an amazing opportunity to transform your life into something you no longer feel the need to escape from. But in the beginning, it can be tough, leaving many wondering, when does sobriety get easier?

Learning how to deal with emotions in a healthy way is a critical component to achieving positive outcomes when you try to quit drinking.

It changes the way that you navigate life and before you know it — things that once sent you through the roof — barely register on your emotional barometer. And that’s when life, and sobriety, start getting easier.

Navigating Anger and Irritability When Quitting Drinking

There are likely to be a lot of triggers in early recovery. Triggers that might make you want to grab for the one thing that has always brought relief.

Not having your most effective coping mechanism available to you all of a sudden can cause anger, irritability, and even grief.

So what do you do?

First things first is to manage your expectations. Knowing (and accepting if you can) that difficult emotions are going to come to the surface means you won’t be caught off guard when they do.

Another important piece is, don’t try to do this alone. There are fantastic communities of people that are going through the same thing you are and can relate to what you’re feeling. Some of these groups are online, and some are in-person. Find what works for you and give it a shot. SheRecovers, SMART Recovery, Recovery Dharma, Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous and Cocaine Anonymous are a few to check out if you’re interested.

One-on-one support via therapy or recovery coaching is another great option for many people who want to change their relationship with alcohol.

Building a network around you while you’re making this big shift is instrumental in navigating the sometimes choppy waters ahead.

It’s also a good idea to give your loved ones a heads-up. Your parents, partner, or close friends will probably be around when your anger and frustration surface and they might not know how to respond. Let them know ahead of time that you’re quitting, cutting back, or taking a break from alcohol and might need some space or support from them along the way.

How to Deal With Emotions In a Healthy Way

Many of us started drinking because we didn’t know how to deal with our feelings.

Others may have developed an inability to feel and process distressing emotions throughout their drinking career.

And as they say, “if you don’t use it, you lose it.” When you rely primarily on alcohol to get you through your challenges, other coping strategies eventually atrophy.

So here you are, trying to find a new way of showing up in your life.

Congratulations by the way! Making the decision to change is often the hardest step to take.

And the good news is — it’s never too late to learn how to deal with emotions in a healthy way. It’s just going to take commitment, time, and a bit of hard work.

Here are some of my best suggestions for someone learning to navigate anger and irritability when quitting drinking:

Give Yourself Some Grace

Changing your relationship with alcohol is no easy feat.

Yet, I often see folks in early recovery who are painfully hard on themselves for not getting it right straight out of the gate.

The simple fact of the matter is that early recovery isn’t always pretty.

As feelings bubble up to the surface, there may be anger outbursts, avoidance behaviour or uncontrollable sobbing fits.

That’s all normal and perfectly okay. Muster up as much grace as you can for yourself as you navigate your humanity in all of its blazing, messy glory.

Practice Mindfulness

There’s a bit of a thawing out that occurs when you quit drinking alcohol.

As if all the emotions you were avoiding had been frozen in time, and suddenly become a wash of white-water rapids flooding through your day-to-day life. Various feelings can flow together and morph quickly into other things — like anger and irritability.

Developing the ability to stay present with these hard-to-pin-down feelings helps you identify what they are and where they may be coming from.

Mindfulness practices like meditation, breathwork, and stretching allow us to reduce the stress caused by distressing emotions and increase our capacity to process them rather than run, numb, and escape.

Move Your Body

Establishing a daily workout routine in early recovery can do wonders for supporting a healthy lifestyle.

Exercise (aerobic in particular) has been shown to boost mood and reduce stress.  But an impromptu workout session (even low-impact) is a great strategy for when you feel anger or irritability escalating.

Something as simple as taking your dog for a walk or hitting the nearest hiking trail can open the pressure relief valve, clear your mind, and reset your inner environment.

Any form of exercise is likely to be beneficial, but activities in nature do a double-duty!

Movement coupled with connection is powerful medicine.

Have A Plan

Any process of personal transformation is a bit of an experiment.

Whether you want to optimize your health, improve your relationships, manage mental health challenges, or get sober — it’s a discovery process. Figuring out what works and what doesn’t often comes from trial and error.

Practice becoming an objective observer of your own process.

As you start to identify practices or tools that effectively reduce anger and irritability when quitting drinking, write them down and use them often.

The more you practice a new tool, the quicker you’ll be to reach for it when you feel yourself getting agitated or overwhelmed. These eventually become the coping strategies that replace your need to drink.

When Does Sobriety Get Easier?

Early recovery is such a personal journey.

Some people quit drinking and seem to immediately come alive with excitement and enthusiasm for the new life ahead.

Others struggle for quite a while as they learn to feel their emotions and heal from traumas that occurred before or during their years of drinking.

Problem drinking exists on a spectrum that ranges from mild habitual behaviour to severe physical dependence.

I’ve worked with clients all along that spectrum and each one has different goals, motivations, and timelines. That’s why together, we develop custom individual treatment plans to take varying factors into account.

Inevitably, clients who struggle to manage their emotions for longer periods experience frustration and wonder — when does sobriety get easier? Will it ever get easier?

For many of us who relied on alcohol to numb emotions, we weren’t able to deal with, alcohol became a trusted companion of sorts. It was something we could count on for relief from fear, sadness, shame, and loneliness.

To let it go can sometimes cause a sense of grief that may sit beneath the anger and irritability. This too is simply part of the recovery process.

And in my experience, if you stay the course, it will gradually get easier. But when is always unknown. As you learn how to deal with emotions in a healthy way, the grief, anger, and irritability in early recovery eventually start to dissipate.

Ask this question of yourself, “if I am saying yes to drinking alcohol, what am I saying no to in my life?”

Get Help Creating Your Personal Roadmap

It can be really scary to arrive at the realization that you have a drinking problem, no matter how big or small.

But it’s a lot less scary when you have an experienced guide to help you sort things out.

I’m an accredited Addiction Recovery Coach offering worldwide virtual support, and in-person support across Canada. If you’re interested in exploring 1:1 recovery coaching to help you cut back your drinking or stop drinking entirely, I’m happy to answer your questions.

I offer a no-charge consult call to anyone who has questions about their own substance use, or the substance use of a family member. These calls are completely confidential with no pressure to make a decision before you feel entirely ready.

I’d also like to invite you to read more about my personal story here.

Michael Walsh
Phone or Text: 250.896.8494
Email: Coach@MichaelWalsh.com
Chat: Start a WhatsApp chat

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