How to Address High-Functioning Alcoholic Drinking
by Michael Walsh
I’d like to start this piece off with a little preface about the language of recovery, because it’s a topic I’m passionate about and it’s something that comes up often as I’m creating content. [updated March 2023]
Just last month, I published a piece that talks specifically about the impact our words can have on those around us, where I explain that labels are entirely optional in my practice. In fact, many of my clients would never dream of using the word alcoholic when talking about their relationship to alcohol, and that’s fine by me!
This “labels optional” approach is easy when I’m working 1:1 with my clients because I take their lead, BUT I don’t have that privilege when I’m writing for hundreds or thousands of people I’ve never met.
SO, while I use the term “high-functioning alcoholic” here, I want you to know that you don’t have to identify as a “high-functioning alcoholic” to find this information helpful. I choose to use this phrase because my goal is to reach as many people seeking information as possible, and many people are using this term to find information online.
You (and only you!) get to decide what you call yourself and what’s helpful to you. You don’t have to be anything more than a person who’s curious to learn more about alcohol.
So with that out of the way, let’s dive in.
What is a High-Functioning Alcoholic?
A high-functioning alcoholic is a term used to refer to someone who drinks a lot but still manages to maintain a socially accepted standard of living.
They might drink more than is considered safe by various health organizations, but their drinking hasn’t landed them in any major legal or financial trouble.
People often look at social standards of success, and assume they don’t have a real issue with alcohol if they have:
- A good career
- A nice house
- A happy family
- Some healthy hobbies
While these things can be nice, they’re simply not the best measure when it comes to evaluating your relationship to alcohol.
I hear story after story from clients who convinced themselves they were fine only to end up quitting a decade later after getting more honest with themselves. And the reality is, almost all of them wish they had forced that self honesty much earlier in their drinking careers.
The High-Functioning Game of Limbo
Sadly, many people who could be categorized as high-functioning alcoholics spend the majority of their life stuck in this unfulfilling game of limbo - trying to see how much drinking they can get away with before the stick falls.
And the longer the game goes on, the more deeply unfulfilling it becomes.
Ultimately, the way out of this circus ring is through radical honesty with yourself. It’s about taking a good hard look at your life and deciding whether alcohol is worth keeping around or not.
Is it truly serving you?
Or are there areas where it’s holding you back?
Some people who identify as a high-functioning alcoholic experience a great deal of inner chaos trying to keep the limbo game going, whereas others experience more of a quiet nagging feeling as they wade through the monotony.
Questioning Your High-Functioning Drinking
Because the term "high-functioning alcoholic" is not a diagnostic or medical term, and because each person’s relationship to alcohol is entirely unique, there’s no single deciding factor that can determine whether you are a high-functioning alcoholic.
But there are some powerful questions you can ask yourself:
- Do you often drink more than you intended and feel bad afterwards?
- Do you silently worry or fret about your drinking?
- Do you ever get defensive about your use of alcohol?
- Can you stop drinking, but it’s hard to stay stopped?
- Are there areas of your life that might improve without alcohol?
- What brought you to this article today?
As you’re embarking on your own brave exploration of your relationship to alcohol, it can be helpful to notice how you perceive various labels and words. There is so much shame attached to the word “alcoholic” that it can easily get in the way of honest and accurate analysis and reflection. I’ve noticed the term “Gray Area Drinking” resonates with many of my clients, and it seems to hold much less shame.
Are You a Gray Area Drinker?
As defined by Jolene Park in her TEDx talk on the topic, Gray Area Drinking is “the space between the extremes of rock bottom and every-now-and-again drinking”.
The growing popularity in this Gray Area Drinking term is not surprising to me. People are tired of having to squeeze themselves and others into the only two popular narratives out there:
- Either you’re an alcoholic, or
- You’re not an alcoholic.
There really hasn’t been a widely talked about third, fourth or fifth narrative for those who drink alcohol.
And that’s where Gray Area Drinking comes in.
Gray Area Drinking includes those people who don’t identify as alcoholics, but do drink more than they’d like.
Maybe they enjoy a glass of wine or have a beer after work, but end up drinking much more and fall asleep on the couch. Or they try to limit themselves to three nights per week, but end up drinking five or six nights.
They tend to want more from life, but don’t feel A.A. or rehab make sense for them.
So, how do you get off this high-functioning merry-go-round?
Recovery Coaching For High-Functioning Drinkers
Recovery coaching is a perfect option for high-functioning drinkers. You don’t have to be ready to quit altogether. You just have to be ready to be honest with yourself. Check out my article on why a Recovery Coach is a perfect place to start.
When I work with clients, one of my goals is to help them understand why they’re drinking in the first place so we can work on building healthier ways of living that don’t sabotage them in the long run.
And a large part of coaching is about anchoring into your dreams so you have motivation to get through the tough stuff!
Get Help Creating Your Personal Roadmap
It can be really scary to arrive at the realization that you have a drinking problem, no matter how big or small.
But it’s a lot less scary when you have an experienced guide to help you sort things out.
I’m an accredited Addiction Recovery Coach offering worldwide virtual support, and in-person support across Canada. If you’re interested in exploring 1:1 recovery coaching to help you cut back your drinking or stop drinking entirely, I’m happy to answer your questions.
I offer a no-charge consult call to anyone who has questions about their own substance use, or the substance use of a family member. These calls are completely confidential with no pressure to make a decision before you feel entirely ready.
I’d also like to invite you to read more about my personal story here.
If you’re ready to explore the potential of working together, I’d love to chat. Michael is based in Victoria British Columbia Canada. The other Recovery Coaches on the team are based in Nanaimo, Vancouver British Columbia Calgary, Edmonton Alberta, Toronto Ontario, Montreal Quebec, and Halifax, Nova Scotia. Because we all work virtually — we can work with anyone no matter what city, province or country around the world. We have clients all across Canada and the USA, Seattle, Los Angeles, Dallas, Miami, New York City, Denver, Nashville, Berlin, Tel Aviv, London, Singapore and Australia.
Phone or Text: 250.896.8494
Email: Coach@MichaelWalsh.com
Chat: Start a WhatsApp chat
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About the Author
Michael Walsh
When I say I’ve been there, I mean it. I am a different person now, and I am fired up about helping other people get to the place where they, too, are living better, healthier, and bigger lives.
